The Hidden Cost of Selfishness
The Subtle Grip of Selfishness
Selfishness is a disease. It’s the tendency to prioritize our own desires, comfort, or interests above the needs and well-being of others—a habit that covers a lot of ground.
Reflecting on the times in my life when things weren’t going well, I realize that most stemmed from my internal thoughts: Why didn’t they say thank you? How could they be so rude? Why didn’t I get that deal, or why wasn’t I chosen? The list feels endless when I look back over 54 years.
And yet, Philippians 2:3-4 tells us, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves…”
Where Entitlement Comes From
Why do we sometimes think we’re better than others or feel entitled to more? The truth is, we’re not.
Jesus described Himself as gentle and lowly—qualities that feel almost foreign in today’s culture of self-promotion and comparison. Our sense of entitlement often doesn’t start with arrogance. It starts with insecurity.
As men, we’re wired to perform. To provide. To be respected. To win. When we don’t feel valued at work, appreciated at home, or recognized for our effort, something in us reacts. We start thinking:
I deserve better.
After all I’ve done…
Why am I not being noticed?
Entitlement grows quietly in those moments.
It can come from past wounds—times we were overlooked, rejected, or not chosen. It can come from pride—the belief that we know better, work harder, or sacrifice more than others. It can come from ego—the desire to protect our image at all costs.
But here’s the tension: the more we demand recognition, the further we drift from Christ.
Jesus, who had every right to demand honor, chose humility. He washed the feet of men who would soon abandon Him. He served without applause. He loved without keeping score.
Entitlement says, “I deserve to be served.”
Christ says, “Learn to serve.”
That is the daily battle.
Overcoming Selfishness Starts with a Willingness to Change
The million-dollar question is: how do we overcome selfishness? It starts with a willingness to change. First, acknowledge your own selfish tendencies. Then make a personal commitment to not engage in this behavior. You might think change is impossible, but I assure you—it’s within your reach.
During COVID, I promised myself I would stop seeking recognition for the things I was doing for others. If someone pulls out in traffic and doesn’t wave—who cares? If my boss doesn’t acknowledge my work—who cares? If I do the dishes and my wife doesn’t say “great job,”—who cares?
Selfish Thinking Limits Growth
When you’re focused on yourself, you limit your own growth. Holding grudges, envying others’ success, or assuming people are out to get you—these are all symptoms of that mindset.
I’ve seen many people fall into patterns of self-defeat driven by selfish thinking:
My car gets a flat—here we go again.
I don’t get the job—they made a mistake.
Bad news strikes—it must be personal.
This type of thinking wears you down, drains your peace, and keeps you living on edge.
Jesus Shows Us a Better Way
Jesus gave His life for humanity. He didn’t come to be served—He came to serve.
“For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many.” (Mark 10:45)
That is the standard. Jesus modeled humility through action, not theory.
“Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet…” (John 13:14-15)
Moses modeled the same kind of selflessness when Israel deserved punishment. Instead of protecting himself, he interceded for the people. (Exodus 32:11–14)
Paul is another example. He was persecuted and eventually killed for writing letters on how the church needed to correct itself and how we should live. He endured suffering to build others up—not for recognition, but because he believed the truth was worth it.
The Long Road to Freedom
Consider the journey from Egypt to Canaan. Though the distance was only about 250 miles—an 11-day trip—it took the Israelites 40 years.
Isn’t that just like us?
We often make life harder than it needs to be. Why? Pride, distractions, lack of goals or energy, or simply selfishness. So many things we want, so many things we think we need.
But do we really need that thank you or that apology?
None of us will live forever—the average lifespan is just 76–78 years, and the clock is always ticking. When you add context, the need for these small acknowledgements becomes menial. The time we spend replaying slights, chasing recognition, or keeping score is time we’ll never get back. And that time could have been invested in loving well, serving others, and living in a way that reflects Christ.
Try this exercise: subtract your age from 76, then multiply by 12 months. That’s how many months you may have left.
For me, it’s 252 months. I’ve lived 660 months to date—so I know I’m on the backside of life.
I do not have the time or the energy to live a life full of regrets. I want the months I have left to reflect what Jesus modeled—humility, service, and purpose—not resentment over things that never truly mattered.
A Practical Exercise: Identify the Selfish Patterns
Write down a list of ways you might be acting selfishly—nothing is off-limits.
Maybe you serve only when noticed.
Maybe you base relationships solely on personal gain.
Maybe you refuse to apologize.
Maybe you insist on winning every argument.
Maybe you fail to make room for others.
These are all ways we can be selfish, often without even noticing our own blind spots.
My Challenge to You
My challenge for you today: make that list and be honest with yourself. Then, for just one day, ask open-ended questions to those around you—without offering your own opinions or input. Remember, better habits and choices start one day at a time.
